Why Your ‘I Am Good Enough’ Affirmations May Not Work

You have a distinct feeling of discomfort within yourself and it’s having a negative impact on your life. You’ve used affirmations daily for weeks or even months to change the way you feel.

You’ve said them quietly and you’ve said them out loud. You’ve heard about others who’ve used them with great success—even healing themselves of ailments in certain cases. You’ve written your affirmations down and even plastered them all over your home so you can see them everyday.

Do you find yourself nodding to the above? Maybe you’ve experienced positive changes in your life as a result of using affirmations. If so, then you’re most definitely on the right track—good for you.

On the other hand, you might be feeling completely fed up and disillusioned instead. The problem is, despite doing it all, things haven’t changed for you.  Your attempts at using affirmations has had the opposite effect and you feel worse about yourself more than ever. If so, there’s likely to be a reason.

Why your affirmations may not be working

When it comes to affirmations, it’s very much about emotions as well—there needs to be some kind of agreement between what you say and how you feel when you say it. If you say your affirmation without backing that statement up with the right internal feeling, there is discord. When you have discord between what you say and the way you feel, the chances of that affirmation having any beneficial effect on you and your life decreases greatly.

Think about it for a moment, you want to feel good about yourself and let’s say, more comfortable in social settings. Most of the time you feel awkward, which leads to feelings of embarrassment.

You decide that you’re going to use affirmations to help you relax and get comfortable with who you are so you can be yourself. The problem is that if, when you state your chosen affirmation(s), you continue to feel bad, that affirmation is going to be absolutely useless to you.

Why? Because whilst you’re stating ‘I feel good about myself’ and ‘I’m comfortable being myself’ (or any other statement you choose to use), deep down you may be thinking something along the lines of ‘but, I don’t’, therefore, creating conflict.

You can try to deny that you’re affirmation  isn’t working in the hopes that it eventually will at some point, but it won’t make any difference. If you get a ‘yeah right’ or ‘I wish’ feeling, you’ll hardly be excited, inspired and moved enough to want to make changes that will get you the result you want.

If, however, you were to focus on how being at ease within yourself would make you feel and make up an affirmation based on that, then the chance of feeling any internal resistance is reduced to nothing.

The difference between ‘I feel good about myself’ and ‘the thought of feeling good about myself everyday makes me feel so ‘fill-in-the-blank’’ is huge. You’ll know it’s the right one for you if you feel some kind of sensation in your body.

If you are one of those people wanting to feel more comfortable within yourself, which one of those statements do you think you would be happier stating? When you say the second affirmation, it gives you an idea of how you would feel once you’re ‘there’.

In other words, it puts you in the right frame of mind and gets you more excited about what you need to do to feel more of what you’ve just felt. That way, when you start on your journey to feeling good in your own skin , obstacles won’t feel so much like Mount Everest and they will eventually be trampled on by the visions and thoughts you hold inside your head of how you want things to be.

When you use the right affirmation for your situation, it should cause feelings of excitement, joy and happiness and even make you smile. It should make you want to take action. So, the next time you use an affirmation, check for how comfortable – or uncomfortable – you feel. If it doesn’t make you feel good, don’t use it!

Using them in the right way will see you moving steadily towards your goal.

It is up to you to decide. 

If you’re interested in learning more about what you can do to increase your odds of growing and increasing your contentment levels, I’m going to help you in every steps. 

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Is It The Right Time To Pack Your Bags And Move?

Moving is a daunting task. It won’t only exhaust you physically with all the packings and the utilities to consider but it can also be emotionally and mentally draining. No wonder there is only 12% movers' rate from the total population in the past years. Let’s face it, nobody wants to uproot from the place he spends half of his life in and transfer to another place he is unfamiliar of.

But when times get tough and you need new ways to survive and prosper, don’t you think it is about time to start a new chapter of your life? Don’t you think it is about time to start a new beginning in a new place?

Relocating from one place to another may not seem to be a practical thing to do but it could be your next best move.  Perhaps it is a better way to chase your dreams. Keep on reading and find out the few reasons why you need to relocate.

Because Moving Can Change Your Career Path

Have you ever felt that you are not satisfied with what you are doing anymore? Have you ever felt that you just don’t belong and going to a new place will make you feel more fulfilled? Yes? Then maybe, it is just the right time for you to relocate and pursue your passion elsewhere.

There is definitely a new city out there where you can fully explore your passion and put it into work. If you need to quit your job to follow your passion, then perhaps it is the right thing to do. We know how it feels… to get stuck in one place doing the same job over and over again. You feel empty and lifeless. So go somewhere else where you will feel more alive… where you are free to unleash your inner passion.

Because Opportunities Knock And You Have To Open The Door

Nothing can bring you closer to opportunities than you coming after them. Give yourself a chance to grow. There are some cities in the country that are more suited for your skills. For example, tech-savvy people can test and harness their skills more in San Francisco as compared to other cities.

As they say, the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. But you will never know unless you try. You can’t be in the same place all your life without knowing what life could be on the other side of that fence.

Because You Want To Build A New Connection

Building connections is a part of growing up. With your networks and connections around, you have your support system. When you move from one city to another, you are building new connections. These connections will not only help you to be more productive but, they will help you to become more confident about yourself.

You need other people to help you grow.  Moving to a new city will help you find new people to build a new circle. These people will help you progress in business, careers and other significant aspects of your life. Though, it can be challenging at first, building new connection will make you feel more secure about yourself and once you get used to it, it can really be lots of fun.

Because You Need To Know Yourself Better

At some point in your life, you become confuse of who you really are and what you really want to do. It is not impossible that your decisions are influenced by the series of events that is happening in your environment.

There is no better way to come up with decisions that are solely your own than to go somewhere you are not so familiar with and reflect. Moving to a new city will give you a fresh start. People couldn’t care less about who you are and what you were doing before, you have a chance to start a new life and build a new identity that you want people to see in you.

Because There Is No Reason To Stay

YOLO! Cliché as it is but true. Why would you let your life get stuck in one place when there is nothing to hold on to? Life goes by too fast and before you know it, you might have missed the chance to enjoy life. So, when it seems that there is no reason for you to stay, why won’t you explore other cities and have a chance to live independently?  Who knows, maybe you’ll meet the one who will inspire and persuade you to chase your dreams and be who you want to be.

The physical stress of relocating is nothing compared to what you may likely to gain when you move. Besides, there are checklists you can follow for a stress-free transition.

Moving is a life-changing experience. There is no guarantee of a better life when you move, but when your dreams and your life goals are elsewhere, will you stay and wait for them or will you chase your dreams?

It is up to you to decide. 

If you’re interested in learning more about what you can do to increase your odds of growing and increasing your contentment levels, I’m going to help you in every steps. 

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Be the best version of Yourself!

How to Stop being Scared of Success

“Functionally, a man is somewhat like a bicycle. A bicycle maintains its poise and equilibrium only so long as it’s moving forward toward something.” – Maxwell Maltz.

Wherever you live in the world, you’re in a pursuit. Some of your pursuits are dear to you. Long-term hopes and fantasies that make you dream with starry eyes.

But maybe the prospect of achieving your goals, also makes you feel slightly uncertain. The visions that make you uncertain take the most work. But they’re also the ones worth most going for. They require some level of sacrifice that’s not just financial.

Examples include:
• Writing that book you’ve been dreaming about for years
• Participating in that talent show
• Getting out there and meeting the love of your life
• Finally getting that PhD
• Travelling the World

(Note: We can lose sight of our big picture goals easily. So, I have a special bonus designed to help you focus on what matters. Keep reading to learn more.)

• The Obstacle you will Face

If you choose to step into your grandest ideas, you’re going to face your fear. It will snatch you from the bottom of your soul, and throw you into a cascading series of emotions. It will test you to see if you’re deserving of what you’re going after.

You’re going to feel like you’re about to lose something.

It may be pride, ego money, or hope – or all of it. Some of us will undoubtedly run away at first sight of fear. Some of us will hide. Some of us might have to warm up to it before it warms up to us.

Fear can make us freeze, or shake in our knees. It can make us shiver and cry… Fear, since the dawn of humanity, has been responsible for deterring some of the noblest dreams.

But it’s only by walking through it, that we’re able to overcome it.

• What is Success?

The word ‘success’ is probably what made you click on this click-bait headline. And I’m glad it did, because you might now finally get closer to what you should be really pursuing.

Let me explain.

Success has been connoted as anything from having a nice house to being content with living a minimal life. But the underlying similarity that lies between all definitions of success is: growth and contentment. Two seemingly paradoxical ideas. But they work together.

If you’re not growing, in some way, you’re not being successful. If you’re not content, in some way, then you’re also not being successful.

If you experience growth, then by definition, you are being successful in some form. Success isn’t this glittery self-aggrandizing event that makes others see how “special” you are.

For various reasons, your success (growth) might end up making someone feel bad. The fact that you shine, might leave them to inspect their faults more closely. On the other hand, thousands of people might be inspired by your example.

But then, you may start to see your own sense of self-worth through the eyes of others; falling into a fake mirage of “success”. One that will paradoxically take you away from ‘self-contentment and growth’ – the two qualities are intrinsic to being successful.

In short, you need to stop believing in this idea of becoming successful – it implies a destination.

But being successful implies that you always have the choice each day.

-Do you choose to push yourself a little more in your craft?
-Do you focus your attention on what matters most?
-Do you prioritize your work?

Sure, you might eventually receive the glittery things that come with serving the world with your gift i.e. the house, the fancy car, the trips. But realize that the new possessions you may have, the higher income, the new relationships – are not success.

They are the consequence of choosing to be successful (consistently) for a long enough period.

• Ask yourself: How Would you Live if you only had Six months Left to Live?

Asking yourself this question puts your excuses to the side, till they no longer fit into your view. With no awareness of death, your vision can become hazy – uncertainty creeps in. Facing it however, all your potential choices are more carefully inspected.
Your wishes and possibilities are examined under the stethoscope of life.

Clarity starts to seep into the edges of our reality until every right choice becomes more self-evident. Your feelings become secondary. You observe them with the awareness that like anything, they will pass with time. But let’s be real. Taking the risks needed to achieve your desires might not work out. You might get rejected; you might fall flat on your face, repeatedly.

But the self-confidence you experience, due to having made a choice to step out of your comfort-zone, is what matters.

So ask yourself, what choices would you make, if you were going to die in the six months from this very date?

Would you take the chance and move abroad? Even if you’re not too sure if it’s going to work out?

Would you take that trip you’ve been dreaming about? Even though you don’t know how it will pass?

You need to be okay with a little uncertainty. In fact, you should embrace it. Because if everything was predictable, then the magic of life would be lost.

I’m not saying you don’t need to do some thinking before making a leap. But asking yourself how you would live if you only had six months to live, might be the only way that you can avoid paralysis by analysis.

It might be the only way you’ll stop making excuses and thinking too much. The more often you’re able to stand on the edge of that cliff of uncertainty, and take that leap of faith, the more you will live your adulthood life to its fullest.

Takeaway: Accepting your uncertainties is paradoxically the only way you’ll become sure in your life.

• Inspect this thought: Who am I to deserve this success?

Our childhood has a profound impact on the way we see ourselves. Many of us have had poor upbringings, removing the glow of our inherent, positive self-image. So, as a consequence, some of us see ourselves as of lower value to other human beings. I know I used to at least, and I still suffer from this to a small degree.

In the light of low self-confidence, any potential success feels misaligned. It goes against years of conditioning. And even the mere idea of it naturally makes us feel like impostors. Even me writing this article, it’s easy for me to tell myself… “who am I to write this?” But really, the question I should be asking is… “who I am to NOT write this article?”.

We all have the same intrinsic worth. No one is better than you, and you are not better than anyone. You are simply what you make of yourself. I am what I make of myself. While people do have different abilities, and virtues, at everyone’s base level, we all have the same human worth.

Recognizing that someone’s intrinsic value is interdependent of their career, status, or fame paradoxically frees us to attach our self-worth to what’s deep inside us, not what’s seen as “valuable” by the world.

So whenever you envision what you want to achieve, and you crackle under the thought of… am I good enough? Can do I do it? Realize that what you’re really asking yourself, is if you deserve this success. Whenever you notice the slightest inkling of self-doubt creep into your mind, change your thought pattern to something that serves you.

Takeaway: You deserve going after what you want.

“You can get everything you want in life, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” – Zig Ziglar.

So that’s it! Those are some of the important mindsets you need to instill if you want to slowly break away from the fear of success (change never happens instantaneously). If you’re interested in learning more about what you can do to increase your odds of growing and increasing your contentment levels, I’m going to help you in every steps. 

Don't forget to follow me to Keep growing and Keep Learning.

Be the best version of Yourself!

Motivation Principles to Help You Change Your Life

The secret of motivation is that it begins between your ears. Motivation is like a puzzle and you have to see how the pieces fit together before you can get the full picture. How you view the world, beginning with your mind and attitude, will hinder or help you on the path to getting and staying motivated.

I can’t say this enough. Motivation does not come from external sources. On the contrary, it’s all driven from your internal resources. In my experience, some of the pieces to this puzzle can be found in the following life principles:

1. Change Your Attitude: Attitude is at the foundation of motivation. Success and even how you deal with failure and challenges will depend very much on your attitude, first and foremost. Everything that happens to you has to be viewed through a certain lens. That lens is either positive or negative attitude and motivation. A friend of mine was told years ago that he had less than a year to live. He spent the rest of his days focusing on the 10 percent chance the doctors had given him. His final days were positive.

2. Take Ownership: You own your life. No one else does. Your boss, your spouse, your job, etc. are not the owners of your life. No one can “make” you feel happy, sad, overwhelmed, motivated or whatever else. Only you can make yourself do that. It is you who wholly owns your life. You are where you are because of your own actions or inactions. When you assume ownership, it empowers you and gives you control. And, that control helps provide you motivation.

3. Erase “I Can’t” and the Excuses: When my daughter was young, I taught her early that she should not use the word “can’t.” To be motivated, you have to believe in your potential and opportunity. Saying, “I can’t make money,” or, “I can’t find a new job,” is defeatist. All you’re doing to yourself mentally is providing excuses. To recharge your motivation, erase the “I can’t” and dispose of the excuses. Life is not easy. We all have challenges, but your chances of success increase exponentially if you get out of your own way.

4. Get Off the Couch: Newton’s First Law of Motion is absolutely correct: An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion. Motivation comes when you are moving forward. If you’re looking to get and stay motivated, you have to move. One of the easiest things you can do for yourself to help you nurture your motivation is to get out and connect with nature. Move. Exercise. If you live in a concrete jungle, then join a group and connect with others. But, whatever you do, don’t sit on the couch and watch the world pass by.

5. Commit: Motivation comes by committing to something. In other words, making a decision. And, when you’ve made the decision and the challenges arise, stay committed to what you decided to do. Anything worth having will become a challenge, which is always an opportunity to reaffirm your commitment. This is how we all grow as human beings. Commit to a decision, stay the course and you will see your motivation increase. 

6. Do the Work: Sustained motivation takes consistency and the only way to place fuel on the fire is to do the work. Big goals take time to achieve. It’s important to spend a little bit of time each and every day working on it–even if it’s only 15 minutes. A friend of mine is looking to begin his own business; however, he has to work at a job and cannot afford at this time to work on his own. He wakes up 2 hours before so he can work on his products and then when he returns from work at night he makes phone calls and has networking meetings. He does this every business day. 

7. Accept the Consequences: Finally, accepting responsibility for consequences is actually an opportunity to stay empowered and motivated. Again, you are the owner of your life and you have control. Take responsibilities for mistakes you’ve made along the way. This is an opportunity to learn and master your goals, with the mistakes that will occur along the way. And once you accept the consequences and learn from them, move on.

The 7 Ways To Empower Young Minds

If you’re lucky enough to work with children, it’s probably pretty likely that you have wondered about how to empower your young charges so that they become the most productive and successful adults they can possibly be. Good for you! Working to uplift and inspire the younger generation is one of the best things you can do. But, what’s the best way to go about this? Here are the seven best ways to empower young minds!

Encourage, Encourage, Encourage There’s an old adage that says you should praise children ten times as much as you criticize them, and this is definitely true! While working with kids, try to maintain endlessly positive.

Plan For The Future Sometimes, even just knowing someone believes in you is enough to get the job done. Spend some time with the kids in your life and talk to them about their future goals. Be a sounding board for them.

Give Concrete Suggestions People benefit the most when you give them specific suggestions towards reaching their goals. Give them advice on careers, how to earn the best scholarships, and choosing their friends wisely. Kids understand that you’ve been their age before, and chances are high that they will appreciate hearing your thoughts!

Make Time For Alone Time Kids react really well when they know that there is an adult who cares about them. Show the children you’re close to that you want to see them succeed by carving out time to go on a walk, drink a hot chocolate, and grab lunch. It’s never too early to begin mentoring someone! Who knows… you may even inspire them to become a mentor themselves when they reach adulthood. That really is the gift that keeps on giving!

Don’t Tear Them Down Even if you don’t agree with something a child said or believes in, try your best to support them and not tear them down. Part of growing up is exploring your belief system and drawing conclusions. Give them the safe space they need to do that! Remember… praise them ten times as much as you criticize them.

Teach Them Mindfulness Every adult knows that maintaining a work-life balance can be difficult, so it’s never too early to start teaching kids these habits. Talk to children about mindfulness, the importance of family time, and the values of hard work and ingenuity. Just spending a few minutes talking about managing your emotions and practicing self-care will have a lifelong impact on the people you reach.

Show That FUN Is Okay Everyone has worries and anxieties sometimes… including children! Don’t hesitate to show kids that it’s alright to take a break from the hecticness of life to have a little fun.

Childhood is hard enough. Try to make it a little bit easier for the children in your life by taking an active role in uplifting and empowering them. You’ll have a long-term impact on their life, and will set a great example for them as they enter adulthood. That alone makes the small time you’ll dedicate to helping them completely worth it!

5 Bad Habits and Why to Kick them NOW!

We all want to improve ourselves. At times our own bad habits get in the way of the life we truly know we deserve. Scientists have come up with many reasons why we stick to bad habits. Some may be harmless yet annoying while others could be self-sabotaging. Why do we persist? More importantly how can we stop? Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a Manhattan based neuropsychologist, addresses 5 bad habits and why to kick them now!

Overspending your way into debt.

Money worries can have serious health consequences. In a Rutgers University telephone survey, responders said financial stress contributed to high blood pressure, depression, insomnia, headaches, digestion troubles, aches and pains, ulcers, excessive smoking and drinking, and gaining or losing weight.

As Dr. Hafeez points out, “Getting yourself out of debt is a lot like losing weight. It takes time, can be hard on your ego and your lifestyle, you have to be constantly vigilant, and it’s easy to revert back to old habits. But for those who succeed, and many people do, the results are stunning. You’ll feel more in control of your life with less stress and fewer worries. They key here is recognizing the problem and not trying to tackle it alone.”

Overusing painkillers and sedatives.

When not taken properly, long-term habitual use of pain medications can cause more problems than it solves. Using drugs like ibuprofen or aspirin for arthritis or muscle pain can over time increase your risk for ulcers, gastrointestinal bleeding, high blood pressure, and heart attacks. Since these drugs ease pain you may want to keep on taking them, which can lead to addiction.

According to Dr. Hafeez, “New pain-relief strategies can ease muscle, joint, and head pain with fewer pills and side effects. Kicking the sedative and prescription pain pill habit is possible with commitment and support, and once the pill taking has ceased, your body will quickly rebound from their effects. You’ll spend less money on medications. You may cut your risk for heart and high blood pressure problems as well as gastrointestinal ulcers and bleeding. You’ll also be more alert and enjoy the satisfaction of knowing that you’ve beaten a drug dependency.”

Nail biting (onychophagia)

Nail biting can happen when stressed or excited, or in times of boredom or inactivity. It can lead to bleeding and even possibly infection. You might be involved in another activity, such as reading, watching television, or talking on the phone, and bite your nails without thinking about it.

Dr. Hafeez says that, “Unfortunately, nail biting is as much a habit as it is a response to anxiety. So there are two parts to stopping it. The first part is breaking the habit. The second part is making sure you control your anxiety.”

Stress-Eating

There are many reasons people turn to food when they experience negative emotions, such as stress, sadness, or boredom. Food can serve as a distraction from life’s realities. Research has also suggested that foods that are high in fat and sugar may actually (temporarily) quiet parts of the brain that create and process negative emotions.

“When a person turns to food as a coping tool, they run the risk of high blood pressure, obesity, hypertension, joint pain and other debilitating health conditions,” explains Dr. Hafeez. She adds, “the ability to draw upon other coping mechanisms such as exercise, deep breathing, counting when stressed or daily meditation can help ease off the need to soothe with food.”

Cell Phone & Social Media Addiction

Countless hours are wasted on devices meant to make us more productive and connected. Look around a restaurant, a city street, a shopping mall, and people are texting, snapping selfies and posting to social media. “Many people feel anxiety when they notice their cellphone battery running out. Many get physically uneasy at the thought of going hours without checking their cell phone,” says Dr. Hafeez. “This anxiousness is a sign of addiction. I advise gradually challenging yourself to see how you can enjoy a meal, a TV show, or a walk without the need to look at your phone. Start with 30 minutes, then 60 minutes. Then decide to unplug one day per week!”

5 Simple Steps To Get You Concentrating Better at Your Tasks

5 Simple Ways To Improve Your Concentration

Let’s face it – we have all had problems with concentration before whether at work, school or even at play. It sounds almost banal to say that better concentration and focus helps make life more stress-free but it is true. When you’re more focused, you get more done in a shorter amount of time; you work more productively and efficiently. The good news is that you do not have to be an expert or a personal development coach to improve your concentration; in fact there are plenty of simple, free and readily available ‘tools’ you can use to raise your concentration levels.

The next time you find yourself losing focus during work or during any tasks that you are doing, you can try doing any of these 5 things:

1. Breathe.

We all need to breathe. And we do it so unconsciously that most of us do not actually pay attention to the breath. Taking a breather is a simple way to restart your concentration. Take a break for three minutes and just close your eyes and breathe deeply. In-out, in-out. Just 3 minutes – surely you can afford that?

Slowly notice your body being slightly more relaxed and the tension ease away. This will effectively help you get your focus back.

I love this quote from mindfulness expert Jon Kabat-Zinn that goes something to the effect that “pay attention and be aware of your breath like your life depended on it” (because it really does!)

2. Remove distractions.

Get rid of all the distractions around you as much as you can. All the noise, eyesores and other things that may distract you from what you are doing should be removed. This also includes mobile devices such as tablets, mobile phones and other digital devices that cause distraction.

One practical tip: when you need to focus, keep your phone tucked away in the other room or in a closed drawer. Psychologically, it helps keep your distractions literally out of sight.

3. Take one step at a time.

Everything takes time so don’t rush. Especially when we are talking about building a skill such as cultivating concentration. Avoid multitasking and stick to one, at most two, task at the same time. Multiple studies have some multi-tasking has a deleterious effect on the quality of our work. Why do we want to risk the quality of what we produce?

We don’t need more distractions in our lives (we are distracted as it is), we need more focus.

4. Declutter.

Very few people can work in a messy and unorganized environment and decluttering certainly helps. Don’t get scared off by ‘decluttering’ and think that it involves lots of work – that is a myth! It can be as simple as rearranging your books to make it neater or just doing some basic cleaning over the table. This way, you are not only clearing (and clearing) your office space but also your mind.

5. Check your environment.

Finally, on a more practical level, take a step back and check your surroundings. Do you have enough space to work on your task? Do you have ample lighting and ventilation? Is the room too hot or too cold? If you feel like your environment is distracting you from your work, then adjust according to your preference. Make sure you have enough lighting, ventilation and space for you to finish your work. An ideal condition naturally breeds better concentration and productivity.

6. Reward yourself.

Whenever you’re done with a task or reached a goal, do not forget to treat yourself to a small reward. It can be something as simple as having an ice-cream or giving yourself an extra 2 hours sleep over the weekends. When you do this consistently, you’re reinforcing the feedback loop and strengthening (both consciously and unconsciously) your concentration – productivity link.