Top 3 Ways to Change Your Life’s Circumstances

Everyone wants to be happy

It’s hard to live a life without happiness. I don’t know a single person that can say they honestly don’t want to be happy. The sad thing is, that most people I know aren’t that happy at all. Their life circumstances have led them down the road to Bum Ville and they can’t find their way out.

What do you do? How do you get out of the gutter when life knocks you down? If you want to find the best route to Happy Town, you need to make some changes in your life. The problem with most of us, is life makes it hard to make any changes. Be it the daily grind of our everyday life, the constant stress put on us by trying to pay the bills, the health issues that plague many of us, losing someone we love, or simply trying to get by. Life is tough for so many of us.

You see, life gives us the opportunity to advance our lives by pushing us to do so. Nature does this by, to us appears as suffering, so that we find a way to move forward out of that state. We are constantly going through inner states of progression. When we are not progressing, we feel suffering and need to keep moving forward.

The need to feel happy is the desire that keeps us moving in the direction. The problem is that when we reach a point of happiness in our lives, we get comfortable and our inner progress slows. If you ever notice that when things start to go well, something usually comes up that brings difficulty or suffering to your life. This is because you have slowed your progress.

Of course, I don’t expect you to take my word for it. You should just experiment with it and you will soon see. There are some ways to keep the progress moving. I’ll give you 3 very attainable methods to change your circumstances. If you do end up changing your life and learn the reasons why you suffer, you will suffer less. Just knowing that suffering is important for your life’s progress will make you feel a lot better. You just need to understand how to work with it.

1. Learn what your passions are

When you know what turns you on inside, you understand what your passions are. You can either look for them or they will eventually show themselves to you. It is what you are drawn too. Finding your passions and running with them will help you to progress much quicker and ultimately make you more happy.

2. Follow your Dreams

It’s cliche I know, but it is true. No more than you believe that follow your dreams is impossible, is it now more than ever attainable. By finding what you love and chasing after it in a way to make a comfortable life for yourself, you will open your mind and heart to progress far beyond your years.

The people that truly follow their dreams, do so not for money, power, or fame. They do it because it brings them fulfillment. Once you have it, you are content with your own life and will start to learn what it means to give. The most important aspect of life, whether you know it now or not, is to help others. It’s the connection with everyone else that needs to be fixed in order for true progress to happen.

So, chase your dreams, believe in the impossible, and help others.

3. Keep Moving Forward

You may or may not have seen this one coming, but if you didn’t, know that progress is always around the corner. Take advantage of it. Learn to recognize it within yourself and always keep moving forward. The day you stop progressing as a human, is the day suffering returns to your life.

I assure you, this is not a coincidence. It is the way nature operates. Always find ways to better yourself so that you can better others and the world around you. Doing what you love and helping others do the same. That’s true progress. That’s how you change your life’s circumstances.

Take Action

There is no better time than now to start your journey. Life is short and only so much can be done in this lifetime. Take action today. Start on your path to being the person you want to be. Become happy by achieving the impossible. Find fulfillment in your inner progress and your outer giving to others. Move forward to help create a future full of abundance for not only yourself, but for all of humanity.

4 Steps To Creating Your Own Simple Self-Improvement Plan

Therapy with a treatment plan, that handy guide to setting and achieving your emotional behavioral goals, holds the therapist and client to accountability and boosts the potential for positive change.

You can also make a self-improvement plan, something simple, easy to implement, and effective.

There is some similarity to the treatment plan you might use in therapy, except you can do this on your own (or with a friend, adviser, or even if you like, your therapist.)

Step 1: EVALUATION

If you wanted to buy a car, you’d probably think about your travel needs, the kind of usage you’d be subjecting your auto to, the expense, what’s in your budget, and how to pay for it, the car’s safety, styling, gas mileage, and other features, and what you really wanted.

You’d research and evaluate before making a decision.

When was the last time you sat down and thought objectively about you and your life?

Why not begin today?

Start by setting aside at least 30 minutes to ask yourself the following questions. In the areas that ask for ratings, use a scale of 1-10, 10 being absolutely yes, and 1 being absolutely no:

Do the 168 hours you live each week seem packed with joy, energy, positivity and healthful relaxation?

When you go to sleep each night do you feel mostly happy about how you spent your day?

When you wake up in the morning do you feel positive about the day ahead?

Do you feel you’ve grown as a person in the past year? What about in the past six months? What about the past month? What areas of growth are strongest? What areas need improvement?

Are there things about yourself and how you relate to the people you live with, work with, and socialize with that you’d like to change? What are they?

What are the positive things the people in your life say, feel and think about you? Can you focus on strengthening these positive attributes?

If there are negative attributes, you might want to list one or two.

Don’t be daunted–the goal isn’t to get a 10 in every area, and to answer every question with a positive, superlative answer, but to get to know yourself and find a comfortable place to be holding.

Step 2: GOALS

Determine which areas would help you move up on the rating scale, above, and identify where improvement is needed.

For example, you feel you could find ways of managing your anger better, or perhaps you’d like stronger, healthier friendships in your life.

Or you’d like to feel less anxiety or have the courage to try new things. Maybe you’d like to simply develop a more positive attitude.

Start by setting only up to three personal goals. You’ll begin by addressing only one of these, but keep the others on the list for the future. Sometimes when we strive to consciously improve in one area, we find that we’ve automatically improved in others.


Step 3: ACTION PLAN 

Choose which goal to work on.

Identify three to five actions you can take to help you reach your goal.

For example, if you want to work on staying calmer and avoiding anger, you might 1. research and read a book about managing anger 2. write an affirmation and say as often as needed to help you control your anger and 3. think and reflect on the deeper reasons behind your anger, when you first noticed anger was becoming an issue for you, and what other feelings arise when you feel angry and 4. ask a friend or family member to help you stick to your goals.

Give yourself a time frame in which to improve.

Maybe you feel you’d like to review after month to see if you’ve improved but you might want to give yourself three months to make lasting changes.

Step 4: CHECK IN & REVIEW

Check in with yourself daily. Ask yourself before you go to sleep each night–did I improve in this area today? Am I moving towards my goal.

Check in weekly. Review your plan. Do you need to update or change it, or is it working well the way it is? View your plan as a living, breathing document, one that you can change to support your changing self.

PROVE THEM WRONG - Motivational Video

There will be haters, doubters, non-believers,and then there will be you,proving them.wrong.
I post this video for people who need to be motivated. I hope will be helpful. Stay motivated

Why Positive Affirmations Could Be Ruining Your Life

I’m sure you’ve met people who can’t fathom why anyone should be unhappy about anything, who are unrelentingly committed to thinking positively and the power of positive affirmations.

Positive affirmations, as you probably know, are examples of the self-talk or mantras we say to ourselves to affirm our beliefs about our identity and the world we live in. And they can be positive forces. But aside from the anecdotal evidence of “it just works,” what’s really going on in the mind with regards to affirmations?

Why Affirmations Work

There have been a number of studies that suggest positive affirmations can help us in a variety of ways. In 2013, the Carnegie Mellon University found that students who wrote about why certain values were important to them (self-affirmations) performed much better on tasks than those who didn’t.

And the University of Toronto found that "under performance disappears when the low-power negotiator has an opportunity to self-affirm" But how? That has yet to be determined, but we canlook at the why.

A paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that affirmations reminded people about the positive support network around them, so they didn’t worry about their self-worth taking a hit from failing a challenge. So when you say to yourself, I am a happy person, you’re reminding yourself of all the reasons why you feel you’re a happy person.

Similarly, a 2016 brain-imaging study found that self affirmations stimulated the reward areas of the brain,  particularly when using future-based self-affirmations. What this suggests is that when we come up with our own self-affirmations, the most effective form would be: If I [verb], then [outcome].

Most psychologists agree on why we self-affirm. Self-affirmation rests on the idea of self-integrity. And self-integrity means that both our perceptions about the world and how the world actually is, are congruent with each other. We use our affirmations to ensure that our perceptions of the world are the same as what we think the world should be.

Why Positive Affirmations Might Be Ruining Your Life

So far, I’ve only talked about self-affirmations, not positive affirmations or negative affirmations. It’s important to understand that when we start adding values—positive or negative—to affirmations, things can get tricky.

Due to an affirmation’s role in ensuring that our outer world accurately reflects our inner world, what do you think happens when our outer world doesn’t accurately reflect what’s going on inside our brains? Our self-esteem takes a hit and we engage in self-destructive behaviors.

One of the ways people use positive affirmations is to adapt their inner world to their outer world. A common example is when we're trying to calm ourselves down. We tell ourselves, You’ve done this hundreds of times before, it’s normal.

Those in the positive-thinking industry reversed that idea, instead recommending people change their inner world first to change their outer world. And it works to some degree. If you truly believe you are worth $80,000 to an organization and they offered you $50,000, you would seek employment elsewhere and keep searching until you found a way to earn that salary. Thus ensuring your inner beliefs and outer reality are congruent with each other.

With that said, Joanna Wood, professor of psychology at the University of Waterloo in Ontario, found that people with low self-esteem felt worse when asked to repeat this statement: I am a loveable person. Why? Because the statement was completely at odds with how they actually felt about themselves.

Many books on positive affirmations suggest that with enough repetition, we can change anything about ourselves. But if your core belief is at odds with the affirmation, you might be unintentionally nudging yourself to find reasons why you’ll never reach what your affirmations are focused on.

Similarly, Sophie Henshaw, DPsych, suggests that because positive affirmations target your conscious mind, they’re ineffective. She says "if what you are trying to affirm is in-congruent with a deeply held negative belief, then all that results is an inner struggle." That inner struggle often leads us to act in self-destructive ways.

Are Affirmations Worth It?

The short answer is no; the long answer is maybe. There are three things people need to know about positive affirmations:

1. By thinking about positively changing our lives, we remind ourselves of the positive aspects of our lives.

2. Affirmations should follow this structure: If I [verb], then [outcome].

3. If your affirmations are at complete odds with what you believe to be true about yourself, you could be causing yourself to fall deeper into depression/anxiety/low self-esteem.

   

A Self-Improvement Secret: Work on Strengths

There’s no reason to focus so much on weaknesses

How would you like to improve yourself? We’ve probably all paused to ask ourselves this question. Maybe you aimed to start exercising or stop procrastinating. Or was it losing weight? Or working on a case of low self-esteem?

These are the goals people often list in online forums about self-improvement, and they share a common thread. When considering what they’d like to improve about themselves, people jump straight to weaknesses. If you ask people how they decide what to target, they say, “I look at what makes me unhappy or what I’m unsatisfied with,” or “I think about the areas of my life in which I’ve been struggling.” To improve, it’s said you should become aware of your bad habits and focus on recognizing your faults.

But why give so much attention to improving our weaknesses? Why not build on our strengths?

New research by psychologists Andreas Steimer and André Mata sheds light on these questions. The team found that people believe that they can change their weaknesses more than their strengths. In one study, people listed a personality trait that they saw as a central strength (something that they really liked about themselves). They also listed a personality trait that they saw as a central weakness (something that they really disliked about themselves). Then, these people answered questions about how changeable these traits are. For instance, they answered how much they agreed that this trait “is a part of me that I cannot change very much.” The results showed that people thought they would be able to work on their weaknesses more than their strengths.

Of course, a first step to self-improvement is often thinking about what you can control. Just think of how the Serenity Prayer (made famous by Alcoholics Anonymous) asks for the wisdom to know the difference between what we can and cannot change. Believing that weaknesses are more changeable then strengths could lead us down this path of choosing to tackle our weaknesses when it comes to self-improvement. And there are obvious positives to believing that weaknesses can change, like inspiring a commitment to self-improvement.

This could have its downsides, though. We might end up wasting our time trying to get rid of a bad habit. Despite our best intentions, New Year’s resolutions often fail. These resolutions target weaknesses that are really hard to change. Psychologists who study "false hope syndrome" find that people are overconfident in their ability to change, and this leads people to set unrealistic goals for themselves. Someone might decide that they want to become more studious, and vow to spend every Friday night in the library. When they are tempted to go to a friend’s birthday party one Friday night instead, they may throw in the towel and give up on their goal entirely. If they’d set more reasonable goals (for example, to study one extra hour per week), they might have been able to stick with their plan for self-improvement. In fact, the researchers who conducted the study on beliefs about strengths and weaknesses found the further away someone were from who they wanted to be, the more they believed they could change themselves to become like this ideal person. Could the belief that weaknesses are changeable lead people to set unrealistic goals?

Even more interestingly: what opportunities might we miss out on if we simply accept the existence of our strengths? Neglecting the practice of strengths – failing to work on the good things that we already have – could overlook a source of happiness. In fact, programs designed to “train your strengths” can have benefits.

Some researchers have tested programs called "positive interventions" that give people the chance to uncover, explore, and practice their strengths. In one such program, people take a test to identify their top five character strengths, and then are tasked with using these strengths in a new and different way every day for a week. Researchers found that people who practiced their strengths in this way were happier and less depressed six months later.

Neglecting strengths might also have negative consequences. People may believe that their weaknesses will be lost over time, but that their strengths are there to stay. Because of this, we might not be very motivated to work on our strengths. Imagine a person who feels that they are a particularly kind person, and that this will never change. She or he might not take the time to cultivate kindness even further – for instance, to go out of her or his way to volunteer or help other people. Perhaps this person would instead let these habits slide, and – secure in her or his “kindness” – would actually become less kind over time. If we don’t actively engage with our strengths, we might see them fade.

So what can we do? Luckily, research shows that our beliefs about what we can and cannot change can themselves be changed. Changing these beliefs shapes how people deal with all sorts of setbacks in their lives, from low grades to break ups, and also shapes people’s goals. For example, if people believe that intelligence can be developed, they take on more challenging problems to improve their intelligence. If we choose to think about our ability to develop our strengths, we might seek out different opportunities for self-growth that capitalize on our strengths. One way to improve yourself is to sharpen a skill you already have.

Make Your Life Better by Saying Thank You in These 7 Situations

I don’t say “Thank You” as often as I should and I doubt I’m the only one.

In fact, I’m starting to believe that “Thank You” is the most under-appreciated and under-used phrase on the planet. It is appropriate in nearly any situation and it is a better response than most of the things we say. Let’s cover 7 common situations when we say all sorts of things, but should say “Thank You” instead.

1. When you’re receiving a compliment.

We often ruin compliments by devaluing the statement or acting overly humble. Internally, you might think this prevents you from appearing arrogant or smug.

The problem is that by deflecting the praise of a genuine compliment, you don’t acknowledge the person who was nice enough to say something. Simply saying “Thank You” fully acknowledges the person who made the compliment and allows you to enjoy the moment as well.

Example: “Your dress looks great.”

• Instead of: “Oh, this old thing? I’ve had it for years.”
• Try saying: “Thank you. I’m glad you like it.”

Example: “Wow! 20 points tonight. You played really well in the game.”

• Instead of: “Yeah, but I missed that wide-open shot in the 3rd quarter.”
• Try saying: “Thank you. It was a good night.”

Example: “You killed your presentation today!”

• Instead of: “Did I? I felt so nervous up there. I’m glad it looked alright.”
• Try saying: “Thank you. I’m happy it went well.”

There is something empowering about fully accepting a compliment. When you deflect praise, you can’t really own it. When you just say “Thank You,” you let the weight of the compliment sink in and become yours. Saying “Thank You” gives your mind permission to be built up by the compliments you receive.

Getting compliments should be fun and enjoyable, but we often ruin the experience. There’s no need to sabotage compliments that come your way. Accept them with grace and enjoy the moment.

2. When you’re running late.

Being late is the worst. It’s stressful for the person who is running late and it’s disrespectful to the person who is waiting.

It might seem strange to thank someone for dealing with your hassle, but that’s exactly the correct response. Most people stumble in the door and say, “Sorry I’m late.”

The problem is this response still makes the situation about you. Sorry, I’m late. Saying “Thank You” turns the tables and acknowledges the sacrifice the other person made by waiting. Thank you for waiting.

Example: You walk in the door 14 minutes late.

• Instead of: “So sorry I’m late. Traffic was insane out there.”
• Try saying: “Thank you for your patience.”

When we make a mistake, someone else often makes a sacrifice. Our default response is to apologize for our failure, but the better approach is to praise their patience and loyalty. Thank them for what they did despite your error.

3. When you’re comforting someone.

When someone comes to you with bad news, it can be awkward. You want to be a good friend, but most people don’t know what to say. I know I’ve felt that way before.

Often times, we think it’s a good idea to add a silver lining to the problem. “Well, at least you have…”

What we fail to realize is that it doesn’t matter if you don’t know what to say. All you really need is to be present and thank them for trusting you.

Example: Your co-worker’s mother passed away recently.

• Instead of: “At least you have a lot of fond memories to hold onto.”
• Try saying: “Thank you for sharing that with me. I know this is a hard time for you.”

Example: Your brother lost his job.

• Instead of: “At least you have your health.”
• Try saying: “Thank you for sharing this with me. I’m here to support you.”

Example: Your friend’s pet just died.

• Instead of: “At least they had a long and happy life.”
• Try saying: “Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m here for you.”

In times of suffering, we don’t need to hear words to ease the pain as much as we need someone to share our pain. When you don’t know what to say, just say “Thank You” and be there.

4. When you’re receiving helpful feedback.

Feedback can be very helpful, but we rarely see it that way. Whether it is an unflattering performance review from your boss or an email from an unhappy customer, the standard reaction is to get defensive. That’s a shame because the correct response is to simply say, “Thank You” and use the information to improve.

Example: “This work isn’t good enough. I thought you would do better.”

• Instead of: “You don’t understand. Here’s what really happened.”
• Try saying: “Thank you for expecting more of me.”

Example: “I bought your product last week and it already broke. I am not happy with this experience.”

• Instead of: “How did you use it? We made it very clear in our terms and conditions that the product is not designed to work in certain conditions.“
• Try saying: “Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Please know we are committed to becoming better. Can you share more details about the issue?”

5. When you’re receiving unfair criticism.

Sometimes criticism isn’t helpful at all. It’s just vindictive and mean. I’ve written about how to deal with haters previously, but one of the best approaches is to just say thank you and move on.

When you thank someone for criticizing you, it immediately neutralizes the power of their statements. If it’s not a big deal to you, then it can’t grow into a larger argument.

Example: “This might be good advice for beginners, but anyone who knows what they are doing will find this useless.”

• Instead of: “Well, clearly, I wrote this for beginners. This might be a surprise, but not everything was written with you in mind.”
• Try saying: “Thank you for sharing your opinion. I’ll try to improve next time.”

Example: “Your statement is the dumbest thing I’ve read all week.”

• Instead of: “You’re an idiot. Let me tell you why…”
• Try saying: “Thank you for the feedback. I still have a lot to learn.”

Releasing the need to win every argument is a sign of maturity. Someone on the internet said something wrong? So what. Win the argument by the way you live your life.

6. When someone gives you unsolicited advice.

This shows up a lot in the gym. Everybody has an opinion about what your technique should look like. I think most people are just trying to be helpful, but hearing someone’s opinion about you when you didn’t ask for it can be annoying.

One time, someone pointed out some flaws in my squat technique in a video I posted online. I responded by sarcastically asking if he had a video of himself doing it correctly. Somewhere deep in my mind, I assumed that if I reminded him that his technique wasn’t perfect, then I would feel better about the fact that mine wasn’t perfect either. That’s an unnecessary and defensive response.

The better approach? Just say “Thank You.”

Example: “You know, you should really keep your hips back when you do that exercise.”

• Instead of: “Oh really? Do you have a video of yourself doing it so I can see it done correctly?”
• Try saying: “Thank you for the help.”

Pointing out others faults doesn’t remove your own. Thank people for raising your self-awareness, even if it was unsolicited.

7. When you’re not sure if you should thank someone.

When in doubt, just say thank you. There is no downside. Are you honestly worried about showing too much gratitude to the people in your life?

“Should I send a Thank You card in this situation?” Yes, you should.

“Should I tip him?” If you don’t, at least say thank you.

Say thank you, more often.

Life Changing: We touch the lives of others in ways we often never know.

We touch the lives of others in ways we often never know.
People sometimes come into our personal world for fleeting
moments and can leave us forever changed. We have more power
to create or to destroy than we can imagine. We can leave
things or individuals better or worse than we found them. A
look, a word, a gesture has tremendous impact and frequently
we blither along through our existence unaware of the mighty
power that our communication wields.

Here’s an example:

It was a rainy, humid day: the mother of all bad hair days.
I was riding on a bus downtown to go to work. The windows
on the bus were covered in condensation so thick you
couldn’t see outside. Everyone was wilting. I was sitting
next to a man in a business suit and didn’t pay much
attention until we both got off at the same stop and walked
to the same newsstand to get a morning paper.

The man running the stand was obviously having a bad day.
He was rude, abrupt and unsmiling as we purchased our
papers, which served to only add more gloom to my day. The
businessman caught my eye and smiled. He then proceeded to
smile brightly, thank the newsstand proprietor for the paper
and for being open on such a morning to make sure we were
able to get our papers. In short, he expressed his
appreciation for something most of us would take for granted.

The man running the newsstand responded only with a grunt and
a sour expression. The businessman then pleasantly wished him
a pleasant day.

As we turned away, I asked this man why he had continued to
be pleasant to the newsman when he obviously didn’t care
about and didn’t respond to his expression of appreciation
and friendliness. The businessman grinned at me and said,
“Why would I let someone else control what I say and what I
feel or what kind of day I’m going to have?”

We then separated to go to our respective work places. To
this day, I don’t know who that business man was, where he
worked, or anything else about him. I never saw him again,
even though I looked for him on the bus on other days. He
appeared briefly in my life and disappeared just as quickly.
I don’t even remember what he looked like. But I’ve never
forgotten the words he said or the way his smile seemed
like a shaft of light on a gloomy day.

That was a good 25 years ago, but the impact this had on
my life has lasted. I never had a chance to thank him
personally, but the way in which I try to choose to look at
life as a result of those words is his legacy to me and my
thanks to him.

Our interactions with the people we encounter can impact at
least the next five people that person encounters. A smile
and words of simple appreciation multiply themselves
geometrically.

We cannot control people and situations that come to us,
but we can always control our response to them. And in
such positive decisions lie our control and personal power
to make a positive difference. And it’s something anyone
and everyone can do. It is a real legacy that can impact
both the present and the future.